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GO NUTS ARE YOUR FAVORITE BAND!
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Not since the 1960's has the medium of music been used so powerfully to spread a crucial agenda, and not since ever has there been a combo with the flair and power of the fabulous Go-Nuts, America's #1 Superhero Snack Band! Girthy guitarist Kaptain Kornut, his drumming sidekick Korn Dog (known in "the hood" as Korn Doggy Dog), flashy millionaire donut mogul/guitarist The Donut Prince and his organ slapping sidekick Donut Hole have an agenda and, baby, they're spreading it like butter! Though only a handful of songs have been released, ("Go Nuts With The Go Nuts" on Estrus, and "Snacking Santa" on last year's Sympathy Christmas compilation) record labels are ravenously pursuing this Fan-snak-tic Foursome, and their fans are legion. And why not! Every kid lucky enough to see a Go Nuts show leaves with both his (or her) belly and entertainment quota full as can be! Soon they'll be teaching Go Nuts in grammar schools, but until then you'll have to be satisfied with this humble interview with the band by Roctober's own Andrew Malcolm and Jake Austen.
Could you please tell the few readers who aren't familiar with The Go Nuts who you are, what you're about and what your mission is?
Thanks for asking, Roctober. We are the worlds only Superhero/Gorilla/Snak Band. Our mission is to make the world safe for snacking.
What are each of your specific powers and brand of instrument of choice?
Sorry to disappoint you dear readers of Roctober, but we have no supernatural powers. However, as outlined in our snak creed, we believe in the curing powers of grease and sugar. The Donut Prince and Kaptain Kornut both play Von Bergman Guitars, as they demand the best.
Can you tell us about the Go Nuts future projects, (full length releases, tours, endorsements) particularly about the much rumored movie?
We have two singles coming out on Sympathy and Planet Pimp Records, in conjunction with Neurotic Records in San Francisco, who is also distributing our extensive line of merchandise. The singles were recorded at Paramount Studios in Hollywood USA. Unlike our first single, which sounds worse than a Phantom Surfers record (if you can believe that), these tracks are slick and highly overproduced. So record collecting geeks (who we suspect are also big snackers) will be disappointed in the lack of "crusty-slabs-of-lo-fi-ness". The movie has been optioned ($,$,$=snak happiness) but no shoot date lined up. We're looking at an 18 day shoot and a $2 million dollar budget. And this is low budget? The script will provide entertainment to all of our fans.
Will there be monkeys in it?
Funny you should mention that. We have recently incorporated the "Go Go Gorillas" into the act. They sample, merchandise, roadies etc. Most importantly, they will be rolling out the red carpet for us when we walk into a "show".
How do you feel you fit in within the historical weavings of Masked Rock'n'Roll and who are some of your heroes in the genre?
First, it must be understood that we are not a "rock band". We are superheroes, Jack. Most masked rock, like all recorded music, blows. Eating is better than listening. And masked rock is at the bottom of the heap, especially aforementioned Phantom Surfers, and the Mummies.
Any plans to incorporate dwarves or midgets into your show or act at any point in the future?
Yes. We are running an ad in the "Hollywood Reporter" that reads as follows: "Wanted: Midget for gorilla/snak/superhero band. Overweight a plus. Obese garners signing bonus. No P.C. "Little People". No Dwarves, as they may scare audience. Contact Kaptain Kornut at..."
Aside from what can obviously be ascertained from the records, do you happen to know any biographical or historical info on Doug Clark, the Hot Nut man who helped inspire your theme song? Do you know where he is today?
Doug Clark A: Did not shit in a bucket, as if often rumored. B: Is the hardest working man in showbiz. (Sorry J.B.) He still does 200 + dates a year at Southern and East Coast frats. C: He stole the theme from 1920's Blues recordings. It's been around a while. But while he has boring double entendres, The Go Nuts are "in your face" with platitudes to snacking.
Speaking of celebrities, as Hollywood Rockers, so to speak, you must hobnob with a number of celebrities. Any interesting anecdotes?
As you may know, Coop is the resident artist of the group, and he relays that Chris Isaak and Billy Gibbons from ZZ Top are big fans. Comedian Tom Kinney has volunteered to be in the movie. And the ghost of Robert Earl Hughes has been known to come to shows.
Without pointing fingers, certain Go Nuts seem to be rather, um, svelte. How is that possible with your rigorous regimen of snacking?
Are you looking at the same band? K.K. is almost as big as "Hambone" and the Donut Prince is taller lying down than standing up!
As Snack Rock superheroes, can you lead normal lives now?
Now? Like we ever have? No.
Mayor Daley asked me, in light of last summer's Heat Emergency we experienced, if you have any tips for staying cool in your superhero long johns? Specifically (just in case your secret to coolness is a secret) he wanted me to ask you what you'd recommend parents doing for their children who insist on wearing Go Nuts costumes on 100 degree plus days?
I'll paraphrase my Uncle Vernon: "It is better to wear a Go Nuts costume in 100 degree heat and bear the pain, than to not wear the Go Nuts costume and bear the shame."
Is that Nutwaggon something else, or what?
No, it's a Nutwaggon.
Finally, do you have any special messages for the Go Nuts fans and followers in Roctoberland?
Yes. Contrary to current medical thought, snaking has many therapeutic powers, as well as being good for the economy. Don't finish your vegetables, reach for that last slice of pie ala mode. Enjoy life, eat more often. Finally, always carry a banana with you in case you encounter a hungry gorilla.
Thank you Go Nuts, we really do love you.